‘Okay before we go I need to talk to you….’ 

The fatal words I heard from my run buddy before we started, and then a long conversation was held about my German friend who recently moved in with her and was making her life a living problem. If she brought my name up he would become moody, if she wanted to invite me over she was not allowed and she was being kind enough to ‘give him time to move on’ but when my Russian house mate came back and we all wanted to meet up for drinks suddenly the situation was awkward and upsetting for her. 

Unfortunately the situation was left down to me to resolve. He was the one with the problem, he would not be in the same room as me, he could not cope with me rejecting me and it was my fault I caused it and I had to resolve it. Seriously?!

So I sat outside his house for half an hour, waiting for him to come home. I forced him to let me in and I told him straight. 

“I am not here for you, or me. I am here for our combined friend who you have hurt”

‘You’re turning this on me? You’re making this my fault’ he said. 

Could I believe my ears. He thought he had nothing to do with this situation and blamed everything on me? 

Handling pathetic creatures like this before, I knew I would have to stay cool and take all the blame for this to be resolved. I bite my tongue and explained to him I was giving him closure and he needs to move on with his life. If he does not want to be in the same room as me, don’t make our friends choose and allow them to invite all of us. Between he and I privately we can decide who goes and who does not. Or anything along this line. I told him he cannot be ‘in love with me’ as he so claimed because, he did not know me. 

‘I know I do not know you, you led me on because all you want in life is attention. You used me for my attention.’

I could not even believe my ears. At this point I knew a different tactic was needed, I decided for the sake of our friendship group I would tell him everything.

“I am not walking away from our friends. It would be easy to do, but they mean to much. The problem that occurred S**n. Is that after you sad down with my on the beach and asked to be in a relationship, I told you I had no idea and could not even tell if you if I liked you or not at that moment in time’

“Funny you told (combined friend) that you would move on friendship groups”

Okay seriously she has stirred this pot, GREAT. I told her on a run, that I would be happy to not sit by them during lectures remain close to my house mate and her, but allow this German p**ck (no longer German friend to be honest) to do his thing and remove myself from occasions with him. She span my words and they’re being used against me by this boy. I bite my tongue again. 

‘I could not give you what you wanted, because I was dealing with awful situations from this summer. I had a car crash, my grandad is seriously ill, I am undergoing medical tests to try to find out what is wrong and I may have hypothyroidism, I failed my exam, I have had resits, the uni have messed me around, and my dad told me he did not like me as a kid. I have spend the entire summer thinking no one can love me if my dad cant’

“Just because your dad doesn’t love you, doesn’t mean everyone won’t”

I could honestly hear him talking about himself hear. He barely heard what I was saying and did not even notice the tears streaming down my face. 

‘This is not easy for me, I do not open up to people. I do not cry in front of people and again I am not telling you this for you. I am telling you this because you have heard our friend and I won’t allow it’

I began to walk out the room, I had nothing more to say. Then he stopped me and hugged me. I ended up leaving and suddenly was allowed to the evenings drinks. Ill tell you it made my friend over the moon. But I didn’t like being their in the end. I felt awkward and out of place. I no longer liked this guy, I had lost a lot of respect for him over the course of this year and I had to open up to him for him to turn around and say “Oh you should of said it sooner” honestly the amount he repeated that, I do not know how I bite my tongue and agreed. 

A few drinks later and I was seriously not enjoying being their. How unfair is that? I no longer liked being with my friends, slightly because of needing my own space with everything that happened during the summer and now I hated being in company. I left early claiming to need to Skype my friend. In fact I left slightly awkwardly but I had to get out of their.