The character in the book, like then men in my life

Do you ever read a book that makes you question every fibre of your being. You read into each sentence seeing parts of yourself projected. Whether you mean to or not, you find yourself half way through the book vowing to change an aspect of yourself, or not to. 

This book has done that to me. 

 

Wrongly, or rightly I started the book admiring a character for their outlook on life portrayed in eloquent speeches made. Now though I regret that choice of character, for I fear I aspire to a manipulative man. I fear, I am most relatable to him, rather than any other character.r For if I where to now aspire to a character it would be Basil Hallward, a humble and deeply moral painter, but instead I infatuated myself with Lord Henry “Harry” Wotton. 

Oscar Wilde, made speeches so intensely moving I fell in love with the meaning behind them. But now I see how the book is unraveling I predict my own doom. For choosing a character to relate to in a book, is like choosing a partner in real life. I have made many a decision for a man to become my partner. To only discover as the pages are turned, he is not at all the person I thought and merely someone I wished not to have in my life. 

Lord Henry Wotton, represents these men I pick, along with aspects of my own personality. Forth from this moment, I will have wider eyes to the situation before me. Not falling for the traps my own mind lay out. 

Time, the bitter enemy or the blessing in disguise

Fear of each day that brings with it a new crease and wrinkle upon my ever youthful face. I am not to be so bold as to call myself beautiful, yet to modest to call myself ugly. I am ever so aware of looks i posses. How I may turn a head as I walk down the street, unfortunately I feel it is more so for the good fortune that i have been blessed with a desirable body. 

Ever since I was aware that, that is why men whistle, yell or turn a head to me I have hated it. Feeling no more than an object in these mens minds and a object of jealously for those bitter women who talk unkindly behind my back or when I catch the look of hatred in their eyes. For now I have learnt something new. 

One is blessed from birth with one of two things; wisdom or beauty. Beauty begins from the day one is born and as each day ends the beauty is lost. One is no longer an attraction when the wrinkles form over their forehead from their thoughts, or their lips twist from a lifetime of passion, or their body sags from the chores of daily living. Yet those born with wisdom, start a life without their inner blessing and as time progresses it grows and blossoms into a magnificent orchid.

Therefore I have realised time is against me, I have to embrace each and every experience I can gain  now for the moment when the season changes and my face remains bitter twisted and unloveable is the moment I loose everything I was born with. 

My intelligence is learnt, not a natal ability and yet I have spend all my life desiring it more than anything whilst beating myself up for the blessing I was given. I am unsure how to change who I am now, in order to utilise these days of my youth. But I know I do not want to wake up one day and look at myself in a mirror and realise I have let time pass with nothing to show for it. 

 

 

The form of art, buried so deep within oneself.

Truly, I believe wholehearted everyone has a form of art within themselves. It may not be the ability to draw, to paint, to act, to dance, to sing or to write, but it is still within them. Those who have true self confidence and belief pursue this inner form and create a career our of it, the rest merely make a job out of something secure. That is the world i feel we live in today.

Someone dreaming of a career in the arts, finds there own passions and puts everything they have into it. Knowing full well it could fail at any moment. Again because the society we live in puts a value to ones art form, valuing it in the market worthy or unworthy.

The beauty in one person is created by being flawless as the media informs us. Though should beauty be in those who have seen the hardship of the worlds, or those who have thought so hard and deep about a matter there face still today shows the crinkles on their forehead.

A person who is flawless, indicates someone who has not used their facial muscles to look deep into a matter or spent their time on this earth without true hardship. Is that someone we really aspire to be?

Imperfections in a person, is to me what makes a person perfect. They have struggled with some aspect of themselves and will continue to strive to become the best version of themselves. Being apart of their life means you can take the journey with them, as they take the journey with you.

Taking things for granted is one of my biggest faults, and I ought to stop. The world is full of beauty even in the darkest of places. One ought to remember this and never give up to hardship. Just keep looking for that beauty that makes the most natural smile appear on the persons face. For this is what beauty on a person is to me.